A river in Eqypt

Last night some friends and I went to see the new movie about the four women in New York? You know the one. I refuse to type the words because I know just what sort of web searches will land people here if I do and well...I like my safe and unexposed little blog just the way it is, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, so after sitting through about two hours of this thing, which I must say, was well acted, despite the script's apparent shortcomings, they actually had the audacity to take it all, tie it up with a sparkley, pink bow, and give it a happy ending. Now, happy endings are one thing, but when the happy ending required a man (or a dog as the case may be) that, to me, completely undermines the entire point of the whole freakin series.

And that's all I have to say about that.

In other news, I've discovered some co-workers at the "joe job" that are, by all accounts, rather promising prospects as real-life friends. The only rub?: They're both really cute.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in trouble. BIGFAT trouble. The kind of trouble that can only lead to the most delicious brand of excitement...and possibly drama. This is why I am in denial. This is not happening, and I am not dealing with it. Because if I did. If I did acknowledge it and all the ramifications and allowed myself to think of the potentiality...? Well, I'm not going there. Cause it's not happening.

See? Denial.

Moving on...

During my glorious trip to Vancouver, (I'll pause here for a moment of blissful reflection.) I managed to stumble upon not one, but two yarn stores. There, I picked up enough Cascade 220 (on sale, no less!) to make Oblique (Ravelry link.) I am so ridiculously excited about it, it's kindof sad, really. It's a gorgeous purple heather colour that I will gladly photograph for all you lovely folks just as soon as it stops being gray and rainy outside. Being on the west coast, that could take a while.

My time in Vancouver was pretty enlightening, I must say. My entire energy changed there. I just felt...clearer. If that makes any sense. I came back feeling refreshed and lighter. I need to get myself to the mainland, people. I found a great neighbourhood that I would LOVE to live in, a job that I would be excited to wake up and go to every morning and a transportation system that actually takes people where I want to go. All very important. Now, universe this one's for you: gimme, gimme, gimme.

Also? I start my new Big Girl™ Job on Monday. I'm not gonna lie: I'm a little nervous. I'm sure it will all be fine. I am university edu-macated, after all. But still.

Speaking of university? I convocate this month. Can you believe it? I feel like I blinked on my first day and ended up here. But I'm definitely here. I just paid the university an unholy sum of money for the privilege of wearing some smelly ol' robe for a few hours. Pray for cool weather, people. That's all I can say. Now I just have to figure out what the heck to wear under it.

Y'see, I'm not really a dress sort of girl, per se. I mean, I have a few, but most of them are casual. And the one dress-up dress I own? Well, I wore it to a school function earlier this year. I'm sure you see the problem. Gah! I do believe there is some shopping in my future. I wonder if I have enough time to pick something up in Toronto on the morning before my convo...No. No. I'm a Big Girl™ now. I plan ahead. I am calm, cool, and...Oh, who are we kidding? This would be when a fairy godmother would come in mighty handy, y'all. Can you imagine? Oy. Maybe I'll go to the mall or something... I'll hafta ask around and see where one might acquire cute dresses about town.

Okay, I'm off to knit and drink coffee and try to arrange a visit to the art gallery to see the Warhol exhibit and generally freak out. Have a fabulous Thursday, everyone!

ain't life funny like that?

So, remember a few days ago when I wrote about trying to come to terms with the whole no articles question..? Turns out I was going to get my answer sooner than I though.

On Thursday, I received a call from someone who had contacted the authors of my reference letters who wanted to let me know that one of them has, apparently, been sabotaging me. Discretion didn't permit her to tell me what was said, only that it had raised some "serious concerns."

For a person such as myself who takes expectations very seriously and has been known to move heaven and earth in order to meet them, this was a significant blow to my psyche. It is particularly troubling to me that this is the first I'm hearing of anything even slightly resembling dissatisfaction with my performance. Perhaps it is my overt inherent sense of morality, but I just feel that this isn't the way things should be done. I have never considered myself perfect, nor do I expect to make everyone happy all the time (try as I might), but I certainly cannot become aware of areas to improve or learn more about or alter if there is no indication that it is required or desirable. Unfortunately, I am not omniscient.

Needless to say, I've been feeling a little vulnerable and betrayed. And hurt. And I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. If a person lied to you directly when you asked if they felt they could give you a good reference, is there any hope that you can get truth by asking via telephone what the issue is?

It does explain an awful lot though.

At some point, it seems your brain (or perhaps just my brain) just closes up shop and refuses to try to sort it out any longer. And that's when I find myself staring out my bedroom window, looking at this:







Allow me to be the first to tell you: It is very difficult to feel sorry for oneself for very long here. There's just far too much to smile at.

I expect to hear the results of having spoken with a third reference I provided tomorrow. My hope is that with the result will come some clarity. Either way, I do believe I will be slinging coffee in the very near future, so at least there will be some money coming in for all the money going out.

Also, once I overcame an unbelievably dense moment and somebody pointed out that I was not reading the chart for all the information it truly provided, I've been making much faster progress on my test knitting:






I am most pleased by this. Isn't it funny how your creative life can both mimic and contrast other aspects of your life?

And on the topic of exciting creative stuff, the knitting group I have adopted turned out to be a most gratifying experience for me on Friday night. I may have had to force myself to put on a dress and a happy face, but it was a good thing I went. I had a great time, got to listen to a lovely Australian accent and discovered that one of the ladies there wants to learn to spin and has borrowed the very same wheel I left in Toronto in order to do it. I'm hoping to arrange to stop by later this week so she and I can share knowledge. Just when I'm feeling at my most incompetent, someone comes along to remind me of all the valuable knowledge and skills I possess. Hell, stick me in Jane Austen's time and I woulda been the hottest product on the market! ;)

Ain't life funny like that?

Maybe if we don't think about it...

Exams are looming. My personal life is...tangly. Crazy and random things are happening on a daily basis. [deeeeep breath,]I still don't have an articling job. Yet.

However. The weather is changing, the snow is melting, things are starting to turn green again and the air doesn't smell so much like misery around these parts. People randomly smile at me on the sidewalk and I am frequently inspired. My cooking is only improving and I'm finding out that there are more "friendlies" in my world - legal and otherwise - than I originally anticipated.

So maybe if we just don't think about that first bit, it'll all take care of itself, hm? I mean, obviously the applications must be sent in order for the phone calls to be made. I've just decided not to worry about it anymore. The universe has always provided before. I have no reason to think it won't continue to do so. Worrying only manifests more problems, it seems. So I'm not gonna do it. I simply refuse.

What do y'all think?

I come in peace...?

Okay people. Life as a law student at a legal clinic is eating me. (The whole working three jobs while doing it thing is probably not helping.) So, as you've probably realized, the blog is on a bit of a hiatus.

However, I will drop by now and then to post FOs (and perhaps periodically gush about the persisting twitterpation) if that's all right with y'all.

Good. Glad we got that settled.

So, without further ado, I present to you:

Tiffany's Trumpet Skirt of DOOM!...or something



As always, clicking = biggening. Oh, and pardon the dopey expression. My sister is not the most gifted substitute photographer (zero composition skills, people!) and it was, um well...freezing outside, so this is as good as it gets.





Now, on to the good stuff:

Pattern: Fit n' Flare Trumpet Skirt, Knitting Lingerie Style
Yarn: Briar Rose Fibers' Sea Pearl
Needles: Addi Turbos Lace Needles - US3
Mods: Well, first and most obviously, I knit this at a different gauge, so I had to do the usual math to get the ratios. I never knit anything the way the pattern says to.

Also, I didn't do the drawstring. With the silk in the yarn, which I love for the drape, I thought it would just be too heavy to look good. Instead, I sewed some grosgrain ribbon into the waistband to add stability and keep the damn thing up.

I knit about three extra inches into the bottom to get it a bit longer and then the blocking did the rest to get it to this length. Pre-blocking it was mid-calf length. I love it though. It's exactly what I wanted and I'm more than a little bit smug that I got it. I continued doing the increases for those extra length rows.

Finally, I modified how the increases were done. As written, all the increases happen at only one side of each section between yarnovers. I thought it looked funny lopsided like that and I've seen other FOs that had ruffles that leaned to one side. This was my way of avoiding that, but I'm sure a good blocking would probably have a similar effect.

Oh, and a word to the wise: If you decide to do this at a small gauge but keep the frequency of yarnovers the same, you're gonna need to line it. Unless you're going for that "loose woman" look. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) I just made a simple a-line skirt with a ruffle at the bottom out of some very inexpensive cotton. It snaps into the grosgrain waistband liner so I can take it out and throw it in the machine instead of having to hand-wash the whole she-bang and then try to block it like that.

Makes sense? Good.

Oh! And the boy is still totally rocking my world. Oh, but seriously...

Tah....dah?

So, apparently this is the summer of startitis. In my case, I really think it's more avoid-itis.

These days, I'm trying to avoid thinking about my career and going back to school and packing and moving and...

So I cast on the Fit-and-Flare Tulip Skirt. On US 3 needles. Cause. I'm. Crazy.

But we knew that already.



I did a pretty good job matching the colour, don'tcha think? What's funniest is that I wasn't even trying. I bought the yarn cause it was super pretty and on sale. (Briar Rose Sea Pearl from Pick Up Sticks)

Gawd, I love this yarn. I just hope I feel the same way after I've knit an entire skirt. On size 3 needles. (oy)

In other news, the object of my affections is planning a visit later this month, which makes me want to jump up and down and behave in a very un-seriouslawstudent-like manner. It shouldn't be legal to be this twitterpated. Seriously.

Y'know, I've been reading lots of great stuff about doing what you can with what you've got and living your heart's desire to the fullest possible extent every day, (Crazy Aunt Pearl's in particular) and simultaneously doing the yearly "Why the Hell am I Putting Myself Through This Shit?" dance as I stare down the prospect of returning to school for another year in order to have a career I'm not even sure I'll like.

It makes me want a big idea; the kind of idea that lets you quit your job and follow your dream; the kind of idea that makes it hard to sleep at night cause you just wanna get up and do it some more the next day.

Yeah. One of those.

I've decided that The Universe/giant cannoli/Luca Brasi/who or whatever the hell it is will send me some inspiration of that variety within the next month. (P.S. Could somebody make sure Luca gets that memo?)

In the meantime, I knit skirts on US 3 needles, and wade through boxes of my own stuff, and haul stuff to Goodwill and cook strange concoctions and sleep too late and obsess through all of it because...

Well. That's what I do.

Arrrggh...

Y'know how sometimes your knitting life starts to mimic your outside life? And how when things are going great and your knitting going's great it just feels like the sun and moon and earth all aligned and you can almost hear the chorus singing?

Yeah. Now picture the opposite.

I've knit, ripped, re-knit, knit, ripped, re-knit...ad nauseam on the same. damn. sock. for the past two weeks. I'm knitting the Pembrokeshire Pathway Socks out of some gorgeous Fleece Artist Sea Wool.

Love the yarn. Love the pattern. The two together? So not working the way I'd like. When I first cast on on US 1s, the fabric that I got was this lovely, subtley variagated honeyed sort of colour. Of course the sock only fit over three toes. So I ripped and tried larger needles. The fabric came out too floppy for my taste in socks, and the colour flashed and pooled horribly. So then I went back to the 1s and cast on more stitches. Now I had stripes. So I split the half-a-skein in half again and went up to a needle size halfway in between the smaller and the bigger sizes I've already tried. I'm thinkin' this should be just right. Plus, I'm alternating skeins to reduce the likelihood of colour-related ickiness, so it's all good, right?

Nope.

The damn thing is STILL striping.

I'm so frustrated. I've spent my whole life trying to get okay with not being as small as other girls, and the one redeeming element for any foul mood was always the fact that I could always wear the footwear, no matter how unrealistic the rest of the sizing in the store was. Now the fact that my foot is too damn fat to fit in the sock at the gauge and number of stitches that looks good is getting in the way of my making a beautiful sock.

I am also hitting a somewhat similar wall with career/lifework stuff. It happens every year at this time. I start to wonder if this is really what I want to do; whether I should be spending all this time, money, and effort on a degree that makes me miserable half the time; at a school where I am perpetually the round peg in the square hole.

I take up my knitting in order to get some brief respite from my internal turmoil and only find it reflected in my knitting.

harumph.

Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something. Perhaps I'm being too narrow-minded. Perhaps I should shave my head and run off into the hills never to be seen again. I don't know.

Perhaps y'all should hide the shears until I figure that out.

i am not complaining...

Really. I'm not.

It's just....well, here's the thing:

<rant> (so please feel free to skim if this is all too much drama for you...)

I am waiting for the dust to settle on a few big things in my life and it feels a lot like I'm just treading water. And I know that the universe can't just pick itself up and rearrange to suit me in mere moments sometimes, 'cause y'know, other people are involved and this is sortof monumental and all, but...it's like holding your breath y'know? You can only do it for so long before your head starts to hurt and you get dizzy and you feel as if if you do this for onemoresecond you will seriously, seriously die. Seriously.

Yeah. Like that.

I am doing my level-best to focus on living my heart's desire to whatever extent is possible every day in any way I can, and most of the time it works; really, it does. It's just that having the boy here and spending time together and remembering how it makes me giddy every time he looks over at me or touches my arm or puts an arm around my waist briefly as he passes behind me...it all makes me want the eventuality to be the reality. Right now. Not in a couple years when his degree is finally done. Not once I've graduated and found an articling position closer to him. Now.

And the whole articling stress is tied up in this because whereas before an articling job anywhere was fine by me just so long as there was one, now not only are some of my aspirations pinned on this, some of his are too. And they have to do with getting an articling position in a city I've never lived in and haven't visited since I was twelve-years-old, but have always really wanted to live in and almost went to law school in. (Don't worry, I'm kicking myself on that one too), and an employment market that I don't feel nearly as familiar with. And it all has to get done now, and I don't feel ready, but I just finished lamenting to the universe that I want this all now.

It's...just....all...so.....grawr!!

...and I haven't even mentioned the ShouldIStartMyOwnBusinessInstead? internal dialogue that's been whirling around my brain for the last six months or so. I mean, if I had a fantastic idea like...oh...say...Jess and Casey over at ravelry this would not even be a question, but my brilliant idea? I haven't remembered it yet. Maybe I should email them and ask them to hire me. I do web dev. What coding I don't know how to do, I can learn, Right?!

Okay Tiff...pull it together...

</rant>

Sorry about that guys. I'm done now. I'm finding my happy place and snuggling with my furries and my yarn and taking nice, zen-inducing walks with the pupper-dogger. I just thought I would share why things have been so quiet 'round these parts. When I'm worried or upset, I just stop talking. I know it's not fair to you all, and I apologize from the bottom of my scattered little heart. I will do better. I promise.

As penance, I present to you:

Yarn Pr0n:



Dizzying, isn't it?

twitterpated

Because I am having the hardest time focusing my attention on anything for more than 4.6 seconds today, you are going to get a random mishmash of observations and -isms. Please feel free to skip this post if you're one of those orderly types...

Thing number the first:

I am composing a letter to Koigu. What do you think of what I have so far?

Dear Koigu,

Thanks for all the yarn. I have finally found the one yarn that could drive me over the edge into "collector-dom". I have an unnatural affinity for the gorgeous colours and the pint-sized skeins. It defies all attempts at logic.

When I opened up the package yesterday afternoon to find a coupla socks-worth of this stuff, it almost made up for the morning I'd had. Almost. Not much can make you entirely forget the stranger who wrapped his hand around your thigh during morning rush-hour, after all.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you have yourselves a brand spankin' new fan admirer obsessive collector.

All my love,
Tiff

No?

Hmmm...I'll have to think on that some more.

Thing number the second:

I am entirely twitterpated. This is not good for my school work. It is, however, doing wonders for my complexion.

Thing number the third:

I am still working on that paper. I want to finish it. I want to finish it so bad, that I'm fantasizing about typing, "Screw You." 4000 times in order to meet he 8000 word requirement.

It appears more consideration is generally in order today.

Please shoot me.

progress

You can tell that Tiffany is working on a paper when...



This is my morning latte (Yes. That's right. I said Latte. Indeed, I am one of those fancypants people who believes that there is very little point in having a cappuccino maker in the kitchen if you are not going to engage in making the aforementioned cappuccino on a regular basis. So sue me.) As I sat at my paper-writing and yarnish arts-related items-strewn desk this morning, waiting for the caffeine to sink in and my brain to turn itself over so that I might begin my work for the day, I noticed something intriguing. Here, let me show you...



Progress bars.

In my latte.

Ladies and gentlement, we have indeed reached an entirely new level of both computer geekery and omphaloskepsis. (go look it up if you need to. I prefer the OED, but now they're charging. Capitalist Bastards.) I cannot tell you how much amusement I felt at the realization that my coffee cup, without any prompting from me, was itself monitoring my progress from "grumpy and not yet awake so please do not talk to me unless it is to offer me coffee" to "okay, I suppose I will tolerate you, but only if you do not speak too loudly" to "ready to go! what's next? let's get started!".

Perhaps I should get out more.

For those of you who are interested, my paper (at this point in time) is about the erosion of privacy protection within our legal system by digital copyright protection measures. Since I am in Canada, I will be writing mostly into the vacuous unknown since we still haven't managed to make up our minds and put some legislation in place. Not that I mind. Quite frankly, I like a little bit of unknown. In this case, the devil you know is far less attractive than the devil you don't know, as far as I'm concerned.

Right. So. Moving along...

I bet you'd all like some knitting content, wouldn't you? Guess what? Me too. I've a finished (maybe?) sweater to show you. (I can't decide whether I like the sleeves) and another is on the needles. I've also got a gift for a certain somebody on the needles which I will not show you until it's finished, and you will not see on the giftee as we are not yet at a point in our budding whateveritis that I can as yet feel comfortable exposing my complete blog-geekery to him. Mildly frivolous poses in various and improbable places will have to suffice. If I ever finish the damn thing. Ahem.

Now, as you can see, I am late for a date with academia... Tah for now!

Dear law school...

...Bite me.

Your exam system is stupid.

My entire mark is decided based on how eloquently and persuasively I happen to make an argument about some arbitrarily selected fact pattern with some arbitrarily selected issues on some arbitrarily selected day compared to the other people who just happen to also be in my class.

Now, it could just be me being confused about how this practice of law thing works, but I thought in "the real world" lawyers got time to prepare themselves based on one specific fact pattern and a group of specific and already-identified issues.

I thought we got a chance to organize our thoughts and submissions in advance.

I thought being a good lawyer had at least something to do with being well researched and prepared, not just how well I "dance" on the spot.

Apparently, I was mistaken.

And so, dear law school, I say bite me.

Should this prove unacceptable, kindly refer all submissions in writing to the office of Kiss-My-Arse-You-Bloody-Stupid-Bureaucrats where it will be duplicated and filed in triplicate until I deem fit to answer you.

Perhaps my reply will be more speedy than those you have provided to me in the past.

And then again...perhaps not.

After all, I am busy studying for exams.

Oh, and the dog has a bladder infection. And the hiccups. Feel free to take care of that for me, won't you?