Dear law school...

...Bite me.

Your exam system is stupid.

My entire mark is decided based on how eloquently and persuasively I happen to make an argument about some arbitrarily selected fact pattern with some arbitrarily selected issues on some arbitrarily selected day compared to the other people who just happen to also be in my class.

Now, it could just be me being confused about how this practice of law thing works, but I thought in "the real world" lawyers got time to prepare themselves based on one specific fact pattern and a group of specific and already-identified issues.

I thought we got a chance to organize our thoughts and submissions in advance.

I thought being a good lawyer had at least something to do with being well researched and prepared, not just how well I "dance" on the spot.

Apparently, I was mistaken.

And so, dear law school, I say bite me.

Should this prove unacceptable, kindly refer all submissions in writing to the office of Kiss-My-Arse-You-Bloody-Stupid-Bureaucrats where it will be duplicated and filed in triplicate until I deem fit to answer you.

Perhaps my reply will be more speedy than those you have provided to me in the past.

And then again...perhaps not.

After all, I am busy studying for exams.

Oh, and the dog has a bladder infection. And the hiccups. Feel free to take care of that for me, won't you?