Wednesday, December 27, 2006


The American Oxford Dictionary defines patience as follows:

1 the capacity to accept or tolerate delay,
trouble, or suffering without getting angry or

2 chiefly British term for solitaire (sense 1).

Merriam-Webster on the other hand, defines it as the habit or practice of being patient, which is defined as:

1 : bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint
2 : manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain
3 : not hasty or impetuous
4 : steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity
5 a : able or willing to bear

Regardless of how it is defined, I am here to tell you this:

I am not patient today.

This morning, in my father's infinite wisdom, he decided to dispose of one of the old family computers while my sister and mother are away at work. Strategically speaking, this is a good idea, given that my mother is the Queen of All Pack-Rats. However, his great plan for disposing of the CPU is as follows:

  1. Pick up CPU

  2. Place CPU at curb

  3. Call town for pick-up

When I took it upon myself to inform him that throwing out computers is like throwing out batteries - it's environmentally unconscionable - and that there are recycling programs that will pick up your old computer towers for about 5 bucks, he blinked a couple times and informed me without any hesitation that he throws out batteries too.

He remained steadfastly unwilling to even consider contacting any number of the companies who offer this service having already used his psychic powers of deduction to discover that this solution will be very expensive for somebody in a small town.

I don't get it.

Normally my father is a very logical and reasonable guy. Generally, he even listens to me. But today, despite several very persuasive arguments involving my desire to have trees and grass when I am his age and for any children I might have to also have trees and grass at his age, he remained patently immovable.

It sortof felt as if I were speaking a foreign language of which he only knew a few words.

And that's when I remembered: This is why I don't live with my parents anymore.

In fact, this is why many, many children, upon reaching a certain age, move out of their parents houses, get their own accomodations and start their own lives where they do things their own ways. Children move out, not because it's time and they need to begin their own life-work, but because they have come to understand a real working definition of patience:

1 : getting far enough away that one does not have to witness the inexplicable things one's parents do
2 : not asking too many questions about how things happen in the house where one once lived
3 : spending only enough time at one's former family residence to remember why one likes aforementioned family without spending so long as to remember why they're crazy eccentric.

I've really gotta get out of here, man...



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