reminiscing

It seems like the closer I get to September, the less I look forward to actually starting school. It seems that suddenly I remember more clearly how much work I did, how long the hours were, and how high the tension always seemed. I realize that there are truly very few people that I have any actual desire to spend time with once again. I remember that I hatehateHATE writing papers.

What's wrong with me?

I love school, truly I do! But I don't wanna go back to Oz. I hypothesize that much of this can be attributed to the highly competitive, snobbish attitudes to be found there. I also really don't feel like putting my OCI package together. It's not for the reason that you might think though. I love having a job where I feel like I'm making a difference and doing well, and making a genuine contribution to my employer. I love the feeling of accomplishment I get from doing something and doing it well. It's the actual applying that I don't want to do. I have this creeping, neurotic feeling that this whole OCI package process has a set of secret rules that only the inner circle know about. I, not being a member, am of course completely out of the loop....and am therefore making an ass of myself without even knowing it.

See how paranoid law students are??

I miss my simple life with it's simple goals. I miss having finite projects that could be finished. I miss feeling like I know what I'm doing. Although, in retrospect, I fully realize that I was figuring it out as I went along, and totally screwing stuff up in the process. I just...was better at damage control then. I knew the players. I understood the rules. Things made sense.

Perhaps I should more seriously consider the option of running away to Mexico and starting a full-fledged baby accessories empire...

Or not.