Friday, June 30, 2006

if wishes were dollars

I want to be one of those truly eloquent bloggers, who not only remembers to post nearly every day, but also somehow manages to find a wonderful, witty and articulate way of communicating the minutiae of life, so that it somehow becomes something far more than minutiae. It becomes what it is - a small gem of a piece of a much larger puzzle.

However, between the running about, the having a day-job, and the still (eternally) being in school, this does not seem attainable to me.

I'm trying very hard not to be too hard on myself. I'm trying harder still to appreciate the moments I do find and celebrate them rather than pick them apart and analyze them to death. It is, however, a struggle.

With that in mind, I am pleased to furnish you all (and by "you all", I recognize that I may only mean Emily) with some observations from my everyday existence.

On Tapered Pants:

Unless they are jeans, which are tucked into unbelievably fabulous and stylish boots, don't do it! The results are never good. Ever.

On Mail Carriers:

Do not fool yourselves. These individuals hold all the power in our delivery-based world. If they are upset with you, your mail (or rather, lack thereof) will reflect this. As enticing as the thought of no more bills is, you must recognize two things:

1. Eventually, there will be bill collectors. They are even meaner than the mail carriers.

2. Eventually, you will run out of yarn. Without the postman to deliver those bundles of joy to your home from various North American locations, you could very well end up in the clutches of some type of acrylic eyelash yarn, being as that is the only thing left at your local (and soon defunct) Lewiscraft.

Let us never speak of that mental image again.

On Cell Phone Batteries:

No matter how frequently you check on them, or how carefully you charge them, they will always be dead as soon as you need to use your cell phone. It's a carefully constructed conspiracy, masterminded by all those cute little animals, posed so innocently in the Telus ads and commercials, under the wiser and more experienced tutelage of the Geiko gecko. (I'm onto them now!)

Do not be fooled. Your best option is to surreptitiously acquire a second battery without the Telus menagerie discovering you. Family and friends make good operatives for this mission.

Being as my powers of entertainment are somewhat limited, that will conclude my attempt at wittiness for the day. Try not to feel underwhelmed. I'm trying here.


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